One of my mentors has been teaching me about how to set and enforce the proper boundaries in my life to ensure that people do not walk all over me but also I do not put myself (or businesses) in harm’s way. The book she recommended on the topic, defines boundaries as, “a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator.” Well growing up, I was never taught this concept. Actually, in some areas, I was taught the exact opposite of this concept. I’m not sure if the issue is related to being Black, Caribbean, or even just generational but these concepts were not addressed. Yes, people had boundaries but the proper communication of them was very lacking. Further learning how to set up healthy boundaries was never modeled. And that’s ok! That’s why we have books, podcasts, and mentors!
What I’ve learned is that while setting up personal boundaries is a priority, business boundaries are also just as essential. I was so focused on learning how to set the correct standards in my family and friendships (which seems to be a never-ending process) that I never even thought about how to set up the correct standards with business partners, contractors, and clients and was suffering for it. See most change comes from suffering. Hopefully, you do not have to endure repeated long-term suffering to examine what needs to be changed and get the tools to do so.
So this year while working on my businesses in my own little Pandemic bubble I realized I needed clear, written, expressed, and enforced boundaries in my personal AND business life! What are the requirements to partner with one of my businesses? What kind of character is required to become one of my independent contractors? What type of clients and customers will I not work with - regardless of money or fame? See not having boundaries not only leads to suffering but also ONLY benefits those who want to use you. You will NEVER be the hero for wanting to be “nice” because their motives are never pure. And letting people use you for their ill intentional gain was never the intention of the one who created you. Yes, we are to serve but not slave…
I am still working towards cleaning up the mess that is left behind by living a life without boundaries… It’s a process… But I did want to share the basic concept to help set another captive free!